Stop making every conversation about yourself
Many commenters react to an essay urging people to “stop making every conversation about yourself” by arguing that the real skill isn’t silence but balancing self-disclosure with genuine listening. They share experiences from both extremes—overbearing extroverts who dominate talk time and shy introverts who become invisible—and note that good conversation feels like a mutual, relaxed exchange rather than a set of scripted tactics. Several also point out that traits like excessive talking can stem from ADHD or autism, and that sweeping one-size-fits-all social advice often misses context, individual differences, and even risks making people more self-conscious rather than more connected.
Balance Between Talking and Listening
- Many agree the core issue isn’t “never talk about yourself” but avoiding hijacking every topic.
- Several stress conversation as a “dance” or exchange; always-questioning “therapist mode” also feels bad.
- Overly self-focused talkers are described as tiring or narcissistic, especially when they redirect any topic back to themselves.
Opposite Problem: Not Talking Enough
- Multiple introverts say they over‑applied “listen more” advice, became invisible, and hurt careers and relationships.
- Some now deliberately share more: opinions, anecdotes, and even mental health issues, which deepens bonds when done with moderation.
Meditation, Mindfulness, and “Inner Home”
- Meditation is suggested as a way to build awareness of impulses to speak and create a pause between thought and action.
- Others warn it can become performative or “grindset”; very short sessions may feel rushed and miss the point.
Neurodivergence and Conversation Habits
- Excessive or impulsive speech is linked by some to ADHD rather than narcissism; similarly, autistic “info‑dumping” shows up.
- A claim that such traits are “not curable” is challenged by others who argue people can still choose to talk less, though this may risk isolation.
Quality of Conversation vs Rule‑Following
- Several distrust formulaic social advice (e.g., strict talk ratios, name‑usage tricks), saying it produces stilted, interview‑like interactions.
- Emphasis instead on relaxed, natural conversation, curiosity, and “reading the room,” while acknowledging this is hard for some.
Repetition and Storytelling
- People complain about hearing the same stories repeatedly; others admit they struggle to track who heard what, and appreciate gentle reminders.
Social Media and Cultural Factors
- Social media is seen as amplifying self‑focus and performative sharing.
- Some note cultural differences (e.g., regions where people “take turns talking about themselves”) and that what’s “normal” varies.
Meta: Article, Platform, and Promotion
- Some find the article obvious, shallow, or tweet‑length; others find it a useful nudge.
- There is notable annoyance about Substack popups and accusations that the poster is using HN for repeated self‑promotion.