Tortured by regrets? A new study details how best to overcome them
Psychological research on regret prompts readers to reflect on how they handle past mistakes, from trivial lab losses to life-altering choices about careers, relationships, and money. Commenters weigh strategies such as reframing regret as a learning signal, adopting Stoic or fatalistic attitudes toward the unchangeable past, focusing attention on the present and future, and viewing “missed wins” (like early Bitcoin) as potentially protective rather than purely tragic. Several also criticize shallow spiritual or self-help responses that avoid real emotional processing, arguing that lasting relief comes from accepting responsibility, forgiving oneself, and deliberately shaping future decisions rather than endlessly replaying “what ifs.”
Faith, spirituality, and “spiritual bypass”
- Some argue faith/religion help people let go of regret.
- Others describe “spiritual bypass”: using religion/spirituality to avoid processing difficult emotions, offloading responsibility to a higher power.
- Debate over Christian ideas like “carrying one’s cross”: some see it as encouraging growth and clean slates; others say it personalizes suffering and traps people in guilt instead of learning and moving on.
- Modern “spiritual” movements (astrology, crystals, “vibrations”) are criticized as shallow and psychologically unhelpful.
Cognitive strategies for handling regret
- Reframe regret as data for future decisions: “focus forward,” blameless postmortem style.
- Some mentally expect to make new mistakes later; this shifts attention from ruminating on the past to choosing a better future.
- Mindfulness: focus on the present; past is unchangeable, future is a mental construct that can fuel anxiety.
- Treat painful episodes as “cheap lessons” that prevent larger future losses.
- Viewing regret as a universal human experience reduces shame (“my brain doing what brains do”).
- Portfolio mindset is seen as limited when one regret (e.g., divorce, long relationship) dwarfs the others.
Stoicism, fatalism, and responsibility
- Stoic-inspired approach: be fatalistic about past and present (they “had to” happen) but active about shaping the future.
- Supporters say this preserves tranquility and avoids irrational regret.
- Critics worry it can become self-deception or passivity; they prefer emphasizing action and responsibility, then self-forgiveness.
- Some reconcile this: accept that you did the best you could with the information and context then; regret is irrational if the decision was reasonable at the time.
Money, windfalls, and life-course regret
- Multiple crypto anecdotes (Bitcoin, Litecoin) illustrate huge “missed gains” and how people rationalize them (would have sold early anyway, or a big windfall might have been destructive).
- Discussion of how large sudden wealth can amplify risk-taking, addiction, relationship breakdown, and fear of loss.
- Others push back on romanticizing poverty; love/fear aren’t strictly tied to wealth.
Emotional complexity and self-forgiveness
- Some find it easy to accept “logical” past mistakes but struggle deeply with regrets involving hurting others or social failures.
- Intrusive memories and lifelong regret are framed as qualitatively different from small experimental losses.
- A few note a “superpower” of low embarrassment about past cringe, enabling faster learning and progress.