How to grow professional relationships

Abandoning “lost cause” relationships and difficult coworkers

• Several commenters stress the freedom of letting go of colleagues who resist collaboration or sabotage work.
• Stories include “task bankruptcy” (giving a blocker no work) and documenting disagreements to avoid blame.
• Others argue that in “real world” group dynamics, removing harmful members (or failing them) should be an option, not a taboo.

Following up, maintaining light contact, and small gestures

• Strong emphasis on follow-up: brief messages after intros, advice, or help substantially deepen trust.
• Tactics: birthday calendars, periodic “check-in” texts, sending relevant articles, or asking for opinions.
• Some dislike contrived catch-ups before an “ask”; others say minimal pleasantries are important cultural signaling and show respect.

Small talk, social norms, and “playing the game”

• Many engineers resist small talk, viewing it as fake or pointless; others reframe it as “social glue” that enables collaboration.
• Distinction made between genuinely caring questions vs mechanical “networking scripts.”
• Some argue that refusing basic social norms signals unreliability and makes teamwork exhausting; others prioritize authenticity and silence over superficial chatter.

Transactional vs personal relationships

• Mixed views: some see symmetric, transparent transactional ties as fine, even preferable.
• Others dislike “disguised” transactional relationships where warmth is feigned only to extract favors.
• Several note that relationships should be nurtured before you need something, or people will feel used.

Networking, conferences, and remote coworkers

• Conferences and alumni links are cited as effective for maintaining professional connections.
• LinkedIn is seen by some as a practical, low-friction way to keep in touch; others prefer more intentional, direct arrangements.

Neurodiversity and industry culture

• Several comments attribute relationship difficulties in software to high rates of autism or social awkwardness; others push back on stereotypes.
• Some explicitly don’t want work to cross into personal life, preferring clear separation and accepting more transactional ties at work.

Meta views on the article and author

• Some find the framework inspiring and practical; others see it as too transactional or vague on “doing excellent work.”
• A subthread raises serious concerns about the author’s past workplace behavior; the author acknowledges past misconduct and claims personal growth.