How to grow professional relationships
Growing professional relationships in tech is framed as less about formal “networking” and more about consistent, low-pressure contact: following up after favors, occasional check-ins, small acts of thoughtfulness, and accepting when someone isn’t interested so you can move on. Commenters debate the value of small talk and transactional ties, with some preferring clear, mutually beneficial exchanges and others emphasizing genuine interest, cultural norms, and respect for social rituals as the real glue of collaboration. The thread also surfaces skepticism about performative relationship-building and touches on past problematic behavior by the article’s author, raising questions about authenticity and personal growth.
Abandoning “lost cause” relationships and difficult coworkers
- Several commenters stress the freedom of letting go of colleagues who resist collaboration or sabotage work.
- Stories include “task bankruptcy” (giving a blocker no work) and documenting disagreements to avoid blame.
- Others argue that in “real world” group dynamics, removing harmful members (or failing them) should be an option, not a taboo.
Following up, maintaining light contact, and small gestures
- Strong emphasis on follow-up: brief messages after intros, advice, or help substantially deepen trust.
- Tactics: birthday calendars, periodic “check-in” texts, sending relevant articles, or asking for opinions.
- Some dislike contrived catch-ups before an “ask”; others say minimal pleasantries are important cultural signaling and show respect.
Small talk, social norms, and “playing the game”
- Many engineers resist small talk, viewing it as fake or pointless; others reframe it as “social glue” that enables collaboration.
- Distinction made between genuinely caring questions vs mechanical “networking scripts.”
- Some argue that refusing basic social norms signals unreliability and makes teamwork exhausting; others prioritize authenticity and silence over superficial chatter.
Transactional vs personal relationships
- Mixed views: some see symmetric, transparent transactional ties as fine, even preferable.
- Others dislike “disguised” transactional relationships where warmth is feigned only to extract favors.
- Several note that relationships should be nurtured before you need something, or people will feel used.
Networking, conferences, and remote coworkers
- Conferences and alumni links are cited as effective for maintaining professional connections.
- LinkedIn is seen by some as a practical, low-friction way to keep in touch; others prefer more intentional, direct arrangements.
Neurodiversity and industry culture
- Several comments attribute relationship difficulties in software to high rates of autism or social awkwardness; others push back on stereotypes.
- Some explicitly don’t want work to cross into personal life, preferring clear separation and accepting more transactional ties at work.
Meta views on the article and author
- Some find the framework inspiring and practical; others see it as too transactional or vague on “doing excellent work.”
- A subthread raises serious concerns about the author’s past workplace behavior; the author acknowledges past misconduct and claims personal growth.