Mistakes as a new manager

Performance, posture, and “carrot vs. stick”

• Several comments argue new managers are too lenient, especially early on, and should be more willing to fire for persistent underperformance and missed standards.
• Others see this as a symptom of dysfunctional cultures, warning that aggressive hire/fire cycles and strong “stick” usage can be toxic and demoralizing.
• Two rough styles are described: “restless” (hire/fire fast, strict rules) vs “patient” (train, tolerate more slack), with trade‑offs in fairness, morale, and speed.

Delegation, IC habits, and staying off the critical path

• Delegation is widely cited as a top struggle: managers take work themselves to “save time,” then become bottlenecks and neglect management duties.
• Strong consensus: managers should avoid owning critical‑path tasks, and if coding, focus on low‑risk refactors, docs, and tech debt.
• Some feel “working managers” can be effective on very small teams; others say this fails once meeting and coordination load grows.

Feedback, conflict, and psychological safety

• Many highlight “avoiding hard conversations” as the biggest new‑manager mistake, especially when managing former peers.
• Debate centers on how to give feedback: behavior/outcomes vs. character, specificity vs. vague “quality issues,” individual blame vs. systemic problems.
• Some warn that scripted, indirect phrases can feel passive‑aggressive; others say candid, behavior‑focused feedback, in a blameless culture, is essential.
• There’s tension between “ruinous empathy” (never confronting) and overly adversarial approaches.

Technical depth and manager scope

• Some insist line managers must be deeply technical and able to understand systems, ask hard questions, and detect BS; a few go so far as to say they should be able to step into a report’s work.
• Others push back: that’s closer to a tech lead’s role; managers should understand “why” and trade‑offs, not do every “how.”
• Over‑probing by technically curious managers can waste IC time if not managed carefully.

Dopamine shift and redefining success

• Multiple commenters resonate with losing the immediate gratification of shipping code.
• Some never adapt and return to IC work; others report longer‑cycle but more durable satisfaction from developing people, getting promotions for reports, or removing blockers and politics.

Do managers add value?

• One view calls management “fluff” and largely unnecessary.
• A counterexample from a flat org describes how lack of oversight led to entrenched underperformance, resentment, and eventually a heavy-handed management reset—argued as evidence that good middle management prevents worse outcomes.