Always go to the funeral (2005)
Meaning of “Always Go to the Funeral”
- Many see it as a general rule: show up for important, often inconvenient, life events (funerals, weddings, graduations, hospital visits, shiva, painful birthdays).
- Framed as the daily moral battle: doing a small good vs doing nothing, not some epic good-vs-evil.
- Several emphasize also telling people what they mean to you while they’re alive.
Funerals as Support for the Living & Community
- Common view: funerals are primarily for survivors, not the dead.
- Attending signals solidarity, respect, and helps people grieve; presence often matters more than words.
- Some recount being deeply moved when distant friends or acquaintances showed up.
- Repeated theme: you rarely regret going, but often regret not going.
Regret, Values, and “Doing the Right Thing”
- People describe lasting regret over funerals they skipped or chances to speak they didn’t take.
- Others feel at peace having skipped funerals of people they genuinely disliked.
- One meta-point: actions reveal real values; mismatch means either failed ideals or misdeclared values.
Objections & Counterarguments
- Some find funerals insincere, performative, or dominated by religion they reject.
- Others point to trauma: abusive or “horrible” deceased, toxic families, or predatory funeral costs.
- Counterargument: you’re not there for the dead or to reward them, but for the living and the wider community.
- A minority insist funerals “simply don’t matter”; many replies insist they matter a great deal to grievers.
Cultural & Ritual Variation
- Strong funeral cultures (Irish, some Asian, Eastern European, religious communities) normalize frequent attendance and large turnouts.
- Distinctions made between wakes/calling hours (support survivors) and funerals/burials (more intimate, for one’s own grief).
- Some prefer memorials without a body, delayed celebrations of life, or very small/private rites.
“Go Before They Die”
- Powerful secondary theme: visiting the sick and elderly matters more than showing up only at the funeral.
- Stories of lonely final years contrasted with crowded funerals; advice is to visit, call, and be present while you still can.