Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
Many commenters argue that living near close friends or family can dramatically improve day-to-day wellbeing, especially for parents and as people age, but say this is often constrained by housing costs, job locations, and zoning that push people toward car-dependent suburbs or distant cities. Others counter that instead of trying to “follow” old friends, it may be more realistic—and just as meaningful—to build new, local social circles wherever you are, whether in dense cities, smaller towns, or informal “tiny neighborhoods” and cohousing-style setups. Underneath the personal stories is a broader concern that modern mobility, remote work patterns, and urban planning have weakened organic community life, raising the question of how to design places and norms that make strong, long-term friendships easier to form and sustain.
Value of Living Near Friends
- Many describe strong benefits when friends live within walking distance: shared childcare, easier socializing, emotional support, and richer daily life.
- Several examples: friends co-buying townhomes, moving into the same apartment complex, forming “tiny neighborhoods” or informal co‑housing.
- Some see this as especially powerful for families with young kids: “it takes a village” becomes practical reality.
Making New Friends vs Moving to Old Ones
- One camp says: don’t uproot for old friends; build a local network wherever you are. Friendships are dynamic, and people change.
- Others argue long‑term friendships offer unique depth later in life and are worth centering major decisions around.
- There’s debate on whether it’s realistic or wise to “pick a friend group and stick with it” versus continually “planting seeds” for new friendships.
Urban vs Suburban vs Rural
- Big cities: praised for density, randomness, niche intellectual communities, but criticized for transience, homogeneity by class/profession, cost, and long commutes that undermine seeing friends.
- Suburbs: often blamed for isolation and car‑dependence, yet some report highly social, kid‑friendly suburban neighborhoods with parks and transit.
- Rural/small towns: some say they foster deeper, more diverse relationships because you must interact with whoever is around; others highlight limited opportunities or cultural mismatch.
Housing, Jobs, and Practical Constraints
- Cost is a recurring blocker: many can’t afford to live where their friends are (Bay Area, Santa Cruz, etc.), see co‑buying as unrealistic, or must move for jobs.
- US zoning, anti‑density politics, and weak renter protections are blamed for limiting flexible, stable housing near community.
- Remote work is seen by some as the key enabler; others note it only applies to a minority of jobs and risks creating privileged “remote elites.”
Family vs Friends, Culture, and Life Stage
- Some prioritize living near extended family over friends; others from toxic or mismatched families lean on “found family.”
- Several contrast US individualism and mobility with Latin American or other cultures where staying near family and hometown is more normal and less stigmatized.
- Many note that in midlife, kids, work, and aging parents limit how often even nearby friends can see each other, so expectations must be realistic.