The Deathbed Fallacy (2018)

Limits of Deathbed Regrets as Guidance

• Many agree the “top 5 regrets” genre is heavily cherry‑picked, self‑help–shaped, and not based on systematic data; we mostly hear from people who have regrets, not those who die content.
• A dying person is in an extreme, non‑representative state (pain, drugs, narrowed world), so elevating that moment above a whole lifetime seems questionable.
• Commenters stress that deathbed advice often ignores counterfactuals: “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard” rarely comes with a realistic analysis of what less work would have meant for money, security, or fulfillment.

Defenses of the Deathbed / Future‑Self Frame

• Others argue the “deathbed test” is really a tool for your present introspection: imagine your future self looking back, not literally copy someone else’s regrets.
• There’s a long cross‑cultural tradition (Stoicism, Buddhism, religious texts, memento mori) of using mortality to focus priorities; criticizing one modern formulation is seen by some as missing this larger human practice.
• Several note that awareness of imminent death can cut through procrastination and trivial distractions and clarify what actually matters.

Regret, Tradeoffs, and Time

• A recurring theme: regret is about unseen tradeoffs. If you sacrificed leisure for career, you regret missed time; if you chose leisure, you may regret unrealized potential.
• Some claim wanting what we don’t have is human nature; others argue it’s socially manufactured by consumer systems.
• One view: since choices were determined by circumstances and character, regret is meaningless; another: regrets show you paid attention and made consequential decisions.

Work, Relationships, and Planning

• Heavy discussion of work vs relationships: overwork can be necessary, can be avoidance of harder emotional work, or can be a luxury compared to past harsh labor.
• People wrestle with midlife and longevity: planning as if you might die soon vs planning for living to 90–100, including education, savings, and social life.
• Some endorse happiness research (short commutes, moderate work, strong relationships); others mock it as just another shifting authority.

Personal and Ethical Perspectives

• Terminally ill commenters describe priorities shifting (objects, projects, even long‑loved hobbies fading) while core values and desire to make remaining time good for loved ones stay stable.
• Several emphasize living well day‑to‑day (“make today a good day”) rather than optimizing for a single deathbed moment.
• A counter‑warning appears: don’t just reject deathbed framing; also beware the “what I’m doing now can’t be wrong” fallacy—periodic, honest reevaluation is still needed.