Ask HN: How do I give back to people helped me when I was young and had nothing?

Hacker News Discussion ↗

Gratitude and Direct Thanks

  • Many advocate simple, explicit thanks: call, email, or meet for coffee/dinner and say, “At time X, you did Y, and it changed my life.”
  • Handwritten notes are strongly emphasized: physical, lasting, can be reread and pinned up, often move people to tears and “make their week.”
  • People often don’t remember the specific help they gave; hearing its impact years later is surprising and deeply meaningful.
  • Several warn: don’t overdo grand gestures that can feel awkward; sincere, specific appreciation is enough.

Paying It Forward and Mentorship

  • The dominant answer: you “repay” mentors by helping the next generation—“keep the gates open that were not gatekept for you.”
  • Examples: mentoring juniors, answering cold emails, taking students to lunch, helping newcomers at conferences feel included, guiding people to opportunities.
  • Many describe adopting the rule “be the person you needed when you were younger.”

What Mentors Actually Want

  • Multiple mentors in the thread say they don’t keep IOUs; they give freely and measure “return” in your success.
  • Knowing you are doing well, living decently, and helping others is described as the best possible reward.
  • Some explicitly say being told “your help lives on through how I treat others” is the highest form of thanks.

Forms of Giving: Money, Time, and ‘Tithing’

  • One theme: “tithing” or self-taxation—setting aside ~10% of income or time for community, volunteering, mentoring, or charity.
  • There’s debate about direct cash gifts: a minority suggest sending money plus a note; others find that unnecessary or potentially uncomfortable.
  • Suggestions also include donating to open source, setting up funds in mentors’ names, or gifting small, thoughtful items tailored to their interests.

Cautions, Regrets, and Timing

  • Several regret waiting too long and losing the chance to say thanks when mentors died.
  • Advice: err on the side of reaching out now; even short messages matter.
  • One dark, nihilistic comment about isolation is later walked back as grief-driven, highlighting the emotional weight behind these questions.

Underlying Philosophy

  • Many stress that true gifts create no debt; feeling you “owe” forever is seen as a burden you can release.
  • A recurring line: the “baton” of kindness is meant to be passed forward, not back—your life and how you treat others is the real repayment.