What does connecting with someone mean?

What “connecting” means and why it matters

• Many agree with the article’s framing: connection = mutual empathy, shared values/experiences, and a sense of safety to say what’s really on your mind.
• One commenter notes that their best life experiences are overwhelmingly about connection, but others caution that this may overfit the past and neglect new, solitary or inner experiences.

Small talk and “How are you?”

• Big thread around “how are you?” as greeting:
  • In the US it’s often seen as a shallow ritual, not a real question; honest answers can be socially punished.
  • Others report that in some US regions it is answered honestly and is a useful context-setting opener.
  • Several European perspectives: equivalent phrases exist but are typically perfunctory; some cultures skip them, which reduces easy openings.
• Some see “how are you?” as an attention-grabber rather than a true question; others dislike it as fake and prefer more open prompts (“what keeps you busy?”, context-based questions, rating your day 1–10).

Small talk vs depth

• One camp defends small talk as the “MVP of connection”: safe, low-stakes, a way to test rapport and gradually build trust.
• Another camp finds it boring, a crutch that avoids real connection and crowds out meaningful topics.
• Several note that “clicking” often happens very fast—within minutes—through cues and mannerisms more than words.

Vulnerability and oversharing

• The “right” level of vulnerability is seen as highly context-dependent: time/place, relationship, and the other person’s signals.
• Some argue you can’t be vulnerable without risk; you learn the line by occasionally crossing it.
• Definitions of “oversharing” vary: for some it’s when the listener clearly isn’t interested; others doubt the concept and emphasize that people mostly don’t care as much as we fear.

Connecting across value gaps and with “bad” people

• Strong disagreement here:
  • One side, inspired by a famous quote about knowing those you dislike and examples of befriending extremists, argues that understanding and empathy can sometimes change harmful views and reduce polarization.
  • The other side (including minority perspectives) insists they don’t owe emotional labor to racists or homophobes; policy disagreements are one thing, but denying someone’s right to exist is another.
  • Debate continues over how changeable “values” really are, and whose responsibility it is to try.

Empathy, social media, and other practices

• Several see empathy as central to connection but argue it’s eroded by anonymous, reward-driven online culture.
• One perspective: the deepest common ground isn’t shared ideology but shared human fragility—our conflicted, irrational minds—so patience and compassion matter more than agreement.
• Social dancing is suggested as a way to practice nonverbal connection; others mention conversation skills and a recent book on “seeing others deeply” as useful tools.

Odds and ends

• A humorous aside reinterprets “connecting” as joining two USB‑C cables with a coupler.