Basic Social Skills Guide

Site & Guide Format

• Many noted the site was down from traffic (“HN hug of death”).
• Several found the guide shallow and chopped into tiny sections full of links and teasers, with little dense content.
• The style felt condescending or stressful to some, especially the heavy cross-linking and “next we’ll learn…” structure.
• Others pointed out it’s very US‑centric and part of an American “self‑improvement” culture, less common in parts of Europe.

Funerals, Grief, and Social Obligations

• A large subthread debated whether you should attend funerals, especially for friends or for someone close to a friend.
• One side: you should go even if it’s painful; funerals are for the living, presence matters more than words, and avoiding them is selfish, immature “comfort worship.” Attendance is framed as a core social obligation and a way to support community and show respect.
• Opposing side: it’s acceptable, even necessary, to skip if it’s overwhelming or harmful to mental health; “self‑preservation” and boundaries are valid. Some reject any expectation to care about the deceased’s family or join culturally/religiously loaded rituals.
• Middle ground: funerals are one option among many; if you can’t go, you can still support mourners in other ways, but avoid giving blanket “just don’t go” advice to socially struggling people.

Neurodivergence, Masking, and Work

• Experiences with autistic and “neurodiverse” coworkers were mixed: some valued their straightforwardness; others described disruptive behavior and stressed that workplaces aren’t therapy.
• A side discussion argued about “masking”: one view sees constant self‑editing as fake and exhausting; others say everyone filters themselves somewhat, and neurodivergent people often must mask more to function socially.
• Several distinguished between considerate self‑control and manipulative “selling yourself”; the same skills can be used either way.

Cultural and Topic Differences

• Multiple comments stressed that “basic social skills” are culture‑specific; norms differ across US, Europe, and Asia (e.g., small talk expectations, funeral etiquette, hunting/fishing as topics).
• Popular small‑talk topics with men in some places: sports, cars, hunting/fishing, handyman work; elsewhere, food, travel, music, politics, or hobbies.
• A recurring tip: you don’t need domain knowledge; asking curious questions and listening well often suffices.

Alternative Resources and Deeper Issues

• Several recommended other resources (e.g., succeedsocially.com, classic negotiation and relationship books) as more thorough.
• Some doubted whether text alone can teach social skills without practice.
• One thread highlighted that social difficulties often stem from trauma or chronic childhood neglect, not just missing “tips,” and that autism and other neurodivergence complicate the picture.