Dicing an Onion, the Mathematically Optimal Way

Manual vs machine dicing

• Strong split between people who love food processors/mandolines for big batches and those who avoid them due to setup/cleanup overhead.
• Some say for 1–2 onions, manual dicing is faster; food processors only win at 10–20+ onions or when already in use.
• Eye irritation is a major pro-processor argument.
• Debate over putting processor blades in the dishwasher: some say it’s fine, others worry about dulling and detergent effects.
• Commercial onion dicers in fast food are praised for perfect uniformity and speed, but noted as hard and somewhat dangerous to clean.

Knife techniques and horizontal vs radial cuts

• The article’s “aim the radial cuts toward a point below the board” method is seen as clever but “last 10%” optimization.
• Several posters argue traditional practice: keep the root intact for stability, do vertical (or radial) cuts, then a small number of low horizontal cuts mainly to deal with elongated base pieces.
• Others claim horizontal cuts are overrated or make the onion unstable; they prefer tight vertical/radial cuts only.
• Street-vendor style (knife slightly tilted so slices stay connected, then perpendicular cuts) is cited as a highly efficient real-world technique.
• Some suggest partial-depth cuts (not going all the way through on some radials) as an overlooked strategy.

What “optimal” should mean

• Many question using standard deviation of piece size as the main metric.
• Common preference: minimize maximum chunk size or penalize only oversized pieces; tiny bits are usually acceptable.
• Others point out thickness and shape matter as much as area/volume for cooking behavior.
• Some argue uniformity is overrated; deliberate size variation can add textural and flavor complexity.

Practicality, safety, and culture

• Several commenters find the mathematically best method too finicky for everyday use and focus instead on safety and not cutting fingertips.
• Disagreement over appeals to famous chefs versus empirical results; logical-fallacy talk surfaces.
• Overall sentiment: the analysis is fun, nerdy, and Ig-Nobel-worthy, but for home cooking, “good enough” technique usually suffices.