New research highlights a shortage of male mentors for boys and young men

Meaning of Masculinity and Role Models

• Several commenters describe boys only hearing “masculinity” in the context of “toxic,” and see that as demoralizing for young males.
• Some praise “masculinity content” that frames being a man as resilient, dependable, and empathetic rather than just “tough.”
• Debate over resources like Art of Manliness:
  • Supporters say it encourages strength, skills, etiquette, and financial responsibility and can pull men away from extremes (e.g. “Andrew Tate territory”).
  • Critics argue most of its useful advice is not inherently “manly” and should be framed as gender-neutral life skills.
• One view frames masculinity as a spectrum with “toxic” on one end and “unmanly” on the other; others argue the whole gendered framing is part of the problem.

Nature vs Nurture and Gender Expectations

• Some argue inherent differences between men and women beyond basic biology are small; culture and early socialization drive most gendered behavior.
• Others counter that physical differences (strength, reproduction) must influence social behavior and probably seeded historical gender roles, even if culture now amplifies them.

Cultural Tilt, Feminism, and Backlash

• A faction feels society and media now over-validate women while neglecting men, citing Marvel shifts, kids assuming only women can be scientists or cool heroes, and the “women are wonderful” effect.
• Pushback notes feminism is relatively recent compared to millennia of male dominance, and argues the goal should be positive, non-gendered values rather than “male-only spaces.”
• Some claim anything pro-men is framed as anti-women and punished (e.g. in workplaces); others demand evidence and argue feminism is not inherently anti-male, though fringe misandry exists.

Loneliness, Changing Male Roles, and Emotional Life

• Commenters note data and personal experience of declining close friendships, especially among men; loneliness persists even within marriage.
• Men report being urged to “be vulnerable,” then shamed when they express loneliness; some feel the message is “be a man but don’t really be one.”
• Others criticize men who expect romantic relationships to “fix” everything and recommend group hobbies, volunteering, and team sports to build non-romantic connections.

Risk Aversion, Abuse Fears, and Mentorship

• Strong theme: fear of grooming allegations makes men avoid teaching, mentoring, hugging kids, or even replying to children’s letters.
• Some describe being important male figures for students yet having to suppress normal affection, and say US norms make healthy cross-generational contact “impossible.”
• Debate over tradeoffs:
  • One side stresses horrific impact of abuse and justifies extreme caution.
  • Others argue blanket suspicion inflicts guaranteed harm on all men and starves children of needed male contact; profiling abusers is seen as very hard.

Class, Capitalism, and Family Structure

• Several connect mentor scarcity to poverty / capitalism:
  • Lower-income boys, often in single-parent homes and under-resourced schools, see fewer men at home, in extended family, and in classrooms.
  • Housing instability reduces long-term neighbor relationships that historically provided informal male mentors.
• Others push back on “it’s all capitalism,” pointing to state failures, broader cultural changes, and noting that even higher-income boys often lack male mentors.

Family vs External Mentors

• Some ask why fathers, uncles, or mothers’ male friends aren’t counted; replies note many boys lack present fathers or extended family, so they seek mentors elsewhere.
• Others observe kids can more easily open up to non-parent adults, similar to confiding in a bartender.

Gender Politics and Social Stability

• There is sharp disagreement over “toxic feminism” vs “toxic masculinity.”
• Some argue men dominate negative statistics (crime, violence, social “bottom ranks”) but also sacrifice most (dangerous work, rescues), and that vilifying men is counterproductive.
• A recurring claim: societies with confused, directionless men become unstable (low birthrates, conflict); therefore, supporting healthy, prosocial masculinity is framed as in everyone’s interest, including feminists’.

Post-Gender and Structural Critiques

• A few advocate a “post-gender” society where jobs, skills, and virtues aren’t coded as male or female, which they believe would naturally improve mentor access for all children.
• One commenter notes the underlying RAND document is a non–peer-reviewed research report, recommending cautious interpretation.

Meta: Flagging and Where to Discuss This

• Significant frustration that the HN thread itself was flagged despite active engagement; some see this as suppression of male-focused discussions.
• Others suggest HN’s tech focus and poor track record on social issues make it a bad venue, but there is no obvious better forum with comparable community quality.