I'm addicted to being useful

Original Article ↗ Hacker News Discussion ↗

Resonance and Motivation

  • Many commenters strongly relate to feeling “addicted to being useful,” especially in engineering and ops roles where solving problems is intrinsically satisfying.
  • Some frame this as species-typical: humans want to matter, to contribute, to see their work used. Concepts like “mattering” and ikigai are mentioned.
  • Others distinguish loving problem‑solving from simply hating “stupid bullshit” and wanting to eliminate it efficiently.

Control, Recognition, and Boundaries

  • Several argue “help is the sunny side of control”: compulsive usefulness can mask a need for control or for being needed, which can become toxic or codependent.
  • A recurring question: are you addicted to being useful, or to being recognized as useful? The latter can lead to resentment when appreciation is absent.
  • Many emphasize the need for firm boundaries: avoiding becoming an “emotional garbage bin,” not doing coworkers’ jobs for them, and not letting corporate environments meet deep emotional needs.

Relationships and Emotional Problem‑Solving

  • Big subthread on how compulsive fixing harms personal relationships. Partners often want to be heard, not “optimized.”
  • Common strategies: explicitly ask “Do you want help or just to vent?”, the “three H’s” (Help/Heard/Hugged), and consciously switching from practical problem‑solver to “emotional problem‑solver.”
  • Long debate over “emotional validation”:
    • One side: validating feelings (not necessarily actions or interpretations) helps people process emotions healthily.
    • Other side: constant validation of disproportionate reactions can entrench catastrophizing and self‑victimization.

Workplace Dynamics, Career, and AI

  • Managers warn that being hyper‑useful can stunt team growth and invite endless work; good leaders grow others instead of solving everything themselves.
  • Some note that corporate cultures exploit “working dogs” and may not reward extra effort (no promotion/raise, but more work). Others say high impact still maps to advancement.
  • Worries about AI and “vibe coding” reducing the joy of hands‑on coding; counterpoint: expertise is more valuable than ever for cutting through AI‑generated fluff and guiding systems.

Meaning, Ethics, and Burnout

  • Several report burnout or disillusionment after years of solving problems that exist only due to incompetence or that serve dubious business goals (e.g., dark patterns, ad tech).
  • Some respond by seeking “worthwhile problems” aligned with their values, or reframing work as “play” rather than compulsion.
  • Multiple warnings: don’t base your entire self‑worth on usefulness; learn equanimity and self‑care, or the trait becomes self‑destructive.