The great cousin decline
Falling birth rates and smaller families are thinning extended kin networks, so many children now grow up with few or no cousins and weaker intergenerational ties. Commenters link this shift to the high financial and opportunity costs of child‑rearing (especially childcare and housing), changing gender roles and work patterns, and broader cultural moves toward individualism over family obligation. Some see policy fixes such as childcare subsidies or housing reforms as necessary but likely insufficient, arguing that deep changes in values, religion, and expectations about career and autonomy are driving a long-term demographic and social realignment.
Childcare Costs and Economics
- Many posters describe childcare as more expensive than rent/mortgage in the US, UK, and parts of Europe, often $1,500–$3,500 per child per month in the US, ~£1,000/month in the UK, and thousands of euros in parts of the EU.
- Others cite subsidized or income‑linked systems (e.g., Sweden, Finland, Flanders, Netherlands) where parental fees are capped and the state picks up the rest, yet fertility still remains low.
- Daycare waitlists can exceed a year; prices are not tightly tied to local cost of living, and capacity constraints create queues instead of higher prices.
- Some argue childcare costs naturally converge near one parent’s salary, setting an upper bound where it becomes rational for a parent to quit.
Drivers of Low Fertility
- One camp emphasizes cost: housing, healthcare, childcare, and education make larger families financially risky, especially with front‑loaded daycare and health costs.
- Others argue culture and opportunity cost matter more: women sacrificing careers, valuing autonomy, and not wanting children even when subsidies are generous.
- Several note that historically harsh conditions and lack of women’s autonomy produced high fertility; modern empowerment and security reduce it.
- Examples raised: rich but low‑fertility countries; deliberate population policy differences (e.g., Bangladesh vs Pakistan); religious subcultures with high fertility.
Gender Roles and Work
- Some advocate a return to single‑earner households (without fixed gender roles) as better for kids and cheaper than daycare; others say this is now unaffordable given modern housing and living costs.
- Debate over whether women “naturally” become stay‑at‑home parents versus structural issues (pay gaps, partner income differences, social norms).
- Motherhood is called “noble” by some, yet others point out it’s unpaid, economically penalized, and not treated as a real job.
Cousins, Extended Family, and Social Ties
- Many share nostalgia for large cousin networks providing role models, childcare, and emotional support; some deliberately buy homes near siblings so their kids grow up together.
- Others report tiny or scattered families, no real cousin relationships, or even toxic relatives (addiction, abuse, ideological extremism), and prefer friends as chosen family.
- There is disagreement over whether the decline of big families is “one of the saddest things” about modern life versus a legitimate outcome of individual choice.
- Several note rising loneliness and weaker kinship networks, while others emphasize gains in autonomy and the ability to leave abusive or dysfunctional families.