Mourning and moving on: rituals for leaving a career (2014)

Original Article ↗ Hacker News Discussion ↗

Emotional impact of leaving a career

  • Many see a full career change as legitimately grief‑worthy, especially when it’s a long‑held dream that won’t be realized.
  • Others find the tone “dramatic” or “pageantry,” especially if they don’t identify strongly with work; they frame jobs as paychecks rather than core identity.
  • Several say the first time you realize a major life plan won’t happen is deeply painful and that explicit mourning could help.

Academia as vocation, trap, and one‑way door

  • Multiple commenters emphasize academia feels like a calling, unlike “normal jobs,” with prestige, sacrifice (lower pay), and altruistic motives.
  • Leaving is described as “sticky” and scary; people fear a missed dream and that you can’t return due to linear career paths, publication gaps, and intense competition.
  • Others note national differences: in some countries academia is a socioeconomic ladder rather than a pay cut.
  • Many recount disillusionment: publish‑or‑perish, “least publishable units,” grant games, administrative bloat, and declining human values.
  • Some still push back that not all institutions or fields are toxic and that online discourse can over‑index on the miserable minority.

Rituals: wakes, parties, and graduations

  • Opinions split on holding a “wake” for a career: some see it as narcissistic; others as a humorous, supportive way to mark a big transition (similar to deportation parties or “ungraduation” parties).
  • Pandemic‑era missed graduations surface broader questions about rituals: some regret not getting real closure; others found ceremonies forgettable or mainly meaningful for parents.

Identity, workism, and mobility

  • Several argue modern “workism” (strong identity investment in jobs) is historically recent and especially strong in the US.
  • One theme: distinguish passion for a field from attachment to a specific institutional path.
  • Others describe frequent career changes as enriching but shallow, with fewer chances to “put down roots.”

Personal trajectories after leaving academia

  • Numerous anecdotes: quitting PhDs or postdocs, switching to industry or startups, often with hindsight relief and better mental health.
  • A minority report no sense of mourning at all; they left, moved on, and only wish they had done it sooner.