Mourning and moving on: rituals for leaving a career (2014)
Leaving a long‑pursued career, especially in academia, can feel less like changing jobs and more like grieving a lost identity or dream. Commenters debate whether “mourning rituals” such as wakes and parties are healthy ways to mark that transition or simply self‑indulgent, while repeatedly returning to how deeply some people’s sense of self is tied to their work. Many contrast the ideal of academia as a calling with its current pressures, politics, and precarious paths, arguing that modern “workism” and institutional decay make both staying and leaving psychologically costly.
Emotional impact of leaving a career
- Many see a full career change as legitimately grief‑worthy, especially when it’s a long‑held dream that won’t be realized.
- Others find the tone “dramatic” or “pageantry,” especially if they don’t identify strongly with work; they frame jobs as paychecks rather than core identity.
- Several say the first time you realize a major life plan won’t happen is deeply painful and that explicit mourning could help.
Academia as vocation, trap, and one‑way door
- Multiple commenters emphasize academia feels like a calling, unlike “normal jobs,” with prestige, sacrifice (lower pay), and altruistic motives.
- Leaving is described as “sticky” and scary; people fear a missed dream and that you can’t return due to linear career paths, publication gaps, and intense competition.
- Others note national differences: in some countries academia is a socioeconomic ladder rather than a pay cut.
- Many recount disillusionment: publish‑or‑perish, “least publishable units,” grant games, administrative bloat, and declining human values.
- Some still push back that not all institutions or fields are toxic and that online discourse can over‑index on the miserable minority.
Rituals: wakes, parties, and graduations
- Opinions split on holding a “wake” for a career: some see it as narcissistic; others as a humorous, supportive way to mark a big transition (similar to deportation parties or “ungraduation” parties).
- Pandemic‑era missed graduations surface broader questions about rituals: some regret not getting real closure; others found ceremonies forgettable or mainly meaningful for parents.
Identity, workism, and mobility
- Several argue modern “workism” (strong identity investment in jobs) is historically recent and especially strong in the US.
- One theme: distinguish passion for a field from attachment to a specific institutional path.
- Others describe frequent career changes as enriching but shallow, with fewer chances to “put down roots.”
Personal trajectories after leaving academia
- Numerous anecdotes: quitting PhDs or postdocs, switching to industry or startups, often with hindsight relief and better mental health.
- A minority report no sense of mourning at all; they left, moved on, and only wish they had done it sooner.