Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

Hacker News Discussion ↗

Context: ACE Scores, “Giftedness,” and Life Outcomes

  • Many respondents report high ACE scores (5–10), significant childhood abuse/neglect, and being labeled “gifted” (high IQ, special programs, early reading, olympiads).
  • Outcomes are highly varied: from homelessness, addiction, incarceration, and severe disability to PhDs, professors, principal engineers, founders, CIO/VP roles, and early retirement.
  • Several note feeling “objectively successful” (good income, assets, family) yet internally dissatisfied, anxious, or alienated.

Mental Health, Diagnosis, and Coping

  • Common adult diagnoses or traits: depression, anxiety, PTSD/C-PTSD, bipolar, ADHD, autism/“AuDHD,” OCD, addictions, chronic health issues.
  • Some see ADHD/Autism as over-labeled or “cult-like”; others emphasize extensive research and comorbidity, sharing genetic-study links.
  • Coping tools frequently cited: long-term therapy (CBT, EMDR, somatic, IoPT/constellations, hypnotherapy, nonviolent communication), medication, exercise, meditation, creative work, and strong routines.
  • Several describe suicidal ideation or attempts; others urge hotlines, therapy, and note they don’t regret starting treatment (though a few report bad therapy experiences or no benefit).

ACE Test and Methodological Concerns

  • ACE quiz is seen as a quick, useful heuristic, but:
    • Overly focused on parental physical/sexual abuse and substances.
    • Underweights emotional neglect, peer bullying, racism, poverty, disability, and a violent wider environment.
    • Treats very different harms as equal points.
  • Some quote research (via CDC and other sources) that higher ACEs correlate with worse mental and physical outcomes, but stress it’s poor for predicting individual trajectories.
  • Survivorship bias is repeatedly raised: HN respondents are a privileged subset; many with severe trauma are not here to answer.

Relationships, Parenting, and Meaning

  • Material success often contrasted with loneliness, difficulty with intimacy, or lack of close friends.
  • Others emphasize partners, children, pets, and community as primary sources of safety and fulfillment, more important than wealth.
  • Several high‑ACE parents discuss intense fear of “passing down” trauma and share concrete parenting rules (honesty, no abandonment threats, validating emotions).
  • Trauma is seen by some as conferring empathy, clarity about values, or drive; others stress that, on balance, it generally weakens rather than “toughens” people.

Views on “Giftedness” and Expectations

  • Some call “gifted” labeling harmful or meaningless, fostering grandiose expectations and later feelings of “wasted potential.”
  • Others say gifted programs or competitions were their escape route from destructive environments.
  • A recurring theme: outside appearance of high competence vs. an internal sense of fraudulence, exhaustion, or never having “made it.”