Remind HN: Today is Mother's Day, call your moms

Hacker News Discussion ↗

Reminder and positive responses

  • Many welcome the reminder to call or visit their mothers, or report doing so regularly.
  • Some share small acts of care (e.g., massaging an elderly parent’s legs) and express gratitude that their mothers are still alive.
  • Multiple comments explicitly wish a happy Mother’s Day to mothers reading, including adoptive/step/“non-biological” mothers.

Grief, loss, and regret

  • Numerous commenters have lost their mothers (from recent to decades ago) and describe Mother’s Day as unexpectedly painful or persistently difficult.
  • Common themes: wishing they had called or visited more, sadness that parents never met their grandchildren, and fading specific memories over time.
  • Several urge others to “call while you can,” saying the regret of missed time is substantial.

Estrangement, abuse, and obligations to parents

  • Multiple people stress that “not all mothers are good people” and that Mother’s Day can be triggering for those with abusive, neglectful, or emotionally immature parents.
  • Some share extreme stories (e.g., parents in prison for child abuse, homophobic parents preferring their child dead over “living in sin,” manipulation by a step-parent).
  • There is strong disagreement about whether children “owe” their parents anything:
    • One side: children owe parents nothing; they never consented to being born, and cutting off toxic parents is valid.
    • Other side: good parents deserve care in old age; children have a moral (if not contractual) duty of gratitude.
  • Debate extends to cultural norms (e.g., anti-gay attitudes in parts of Asia) and whether morality is relative. Some argue culture explains but doesn’t excuse harm; others push relativism, prompting sharp pushback, especially around issues like child marriage.

Global dates and related holidays

  • Participants list many countries where Mother’s Day falls on this Sunday, as well as others where it’s on:
    • A fixed date (e.g., May 26 in Poland, late May in France).
    • A different Sunday (e.g., first Sunday in May in Spain/Portugal; fourth Sunday in Lent in the UK as “Mothering Sunday”; November in Russia).
  • Clarifications that March 8 is International Women’s Day, not Mother’s Day.
  • Some note that the US largely ignores International Women’s Day and International Men’s Day, in contrast to Mother’s/Father’s Day and other holidays like Labor Day.

Meaning and critique of Mother’s Day

  • Several say they once saw Mother’s Day as a “Hallmark holiday” but changed their view after having children, now seeing it as important recognition of caregiving work.
  • Others argue mothers are especially significant because they typically provide the most love and labor that keeps families and “humanity moving forward.”
  • Counterpoints:
    • Some question what’s inherently “special” about being a mother versus not having kids, and note that becoming a biological mother can be accidental.
    • A few criticize social “worship” of biological mothers as a way to encourage reproduction for economic/military systems, comparing it to how veterans are valorized; this is called a “not sane or normal view” by others.

HN/meta and logistics

  • Several note timezone issues: for some countries the reminder arrived after the day ended, while others still had time.
  • Comments mention HN’s relatively older demographic, suggesting many readers either have kids themselves or have already lost their mothers.
  • Practical tips include setting calendar reminders for next year and mailing cards early.