What do premarital experiences have to do with marital quality? (2014)
Premarital sex, cohabitation, and other “before I do” experiences are examined for how they correlate with later marital satisfaction and divorce, with several commenters stressing that selection effects and correlation–causation problems make strong claims risky. Some argue that modern dating culture and chasing novelty undermine long-term commitment, while others emphasize the benefits of premarital preparation, explicit communication about finances and children, and viewing marriage as a deliberate, work-intensive partnership. The thread also explores gendered incentives around divorce, the role of religion and tradition in shaping expectations, and whether marriage remains a net benefit for individuals—particularly men—given contemporary legal and economic realities.
Premarital experience vs. marital outcomes
- Multiple premarital partners and cohabitation are discussed as correlating with higher divorce risk / lower reported marital quality.
- Some argue this may be causal (e.g., “addiction” to early-relationship novelty, or “sliding” into marriage after cohabitation because breaking up is logistically hard).
- Others insist the data only show correlation, likely driven by selection effects: people who cohabit or have many partners may already be less inclined to long-term exclusivity.
- A rebuttal article is cited to highlight methodological limits and small effect sizes, urging caution about drawing strong lifestyle prescriptions.
Marriage preparation and communication
- Several commenters praise premarital preparation programs (often religiously required) that cover communication, finances, kids, and expectations.
- They report concrete benefits: surfacing misalignments (e.g., about children, careers, location), practicing difficult conversations, and gaining confidence in shared goals.
- Others note many couples avoid serious talks about money or children even after marriage, calling this a major risk factor.
- Some think formal programs aren’t strictly necessary if couples already handle big topics well, but acknowledge many need structure and guidance.
Cultural shifts, expectations, and purpose
- One strand criticizes a “pleasure-first” culture and FOMO, arguing that chasing novelty undermines contentment and long-term commitment.
- Several describe marriage as hard work rather than effortless romance, with kids often forcing couples to learn cooperation and tolerance.
- Others counter with examples of long but miserable marriages, arguing that experience with multiple partners can teach people they don’t have to tolerate lifelong unhappiness.
Value and risks of marriage (especially for men)
- Some advise men to do a strict pros/cons analysis, emphasizing asset loss, possible alimony, and questioning whether benefits justify the risk.
- Counterpoints list practical advantages: visas, taxes, inheritance, social security, easier joint planning, and especially raising children with a committed partner.
- A view emerges that legal enforceability (“skin in the game”) is central to the institution; others prefer commitment without state involvement, to avoid legal downside.
Gender, divorce, and unpaid labor
- One finding discussed: more premarital partners are linked to lower marital happiness for women but not significantly for men; reasons are labeled unclear and lightly speculated on.
- Some claim women are net financial “winners” in divorce; others respond that women often sacrifice earnings for unpaid domestic and caregiving work and that property division compensates for that.
- Disputes arise over custody patterns, alimony prevalence, and whether housework in modern marriages is actually equal.
Cohabitation, ideology, and bias
- Living together before marriage is linked in the article to worse outcomes; some attribute this to attitudes (people with “traditional” values both avoid cohabitation and take marriage more seriously).
- Others note high divorce rates in conservative regions and among conservative leaders, challenging any simple “traditional values = lasting marriage” story.
- Skepticism is raised about research funded by ideologically or religiously oriented institutes, though some say similar correlations appear in secular work.
Evidence standards and limits
- A minority argues correlational social research is so confounded it should mostly be disregarded, calling for randomized controlled trials—even while acknowledging they’re infeasible here.
- Others respond that, while imperfect, correlations are still useful predictors for decision-making, even without proven causality (drawing analogies to other risk factors).