The Existential Relief of Having Children
Having children is framed as both an antidote to existential angst and a profound ethical gamble, with some arguing kids bring irreplaceable meaning and others countering that many parents privately regret the loss of freedom, time, and identity. Commenters weigh deathbed regrets, evolutionary drives, climate anxiety, economic constraints, and the lack of social support in modern capitalism when deciding whether parenthood is a wise or fair choice—for themselves and for the children they might create. Practical concerns such as safety norms (e.g., co-sleeping and SIDS) and the question of what meaning remains after children leave home further complicate any simple narrative that family life reliably resolves deeper questions about purpose.
Regret, Fulfillment, and Being Childfree
- Several anecdotes of late-life or deathbed regret about not having children, contrasted with others who are content without kids.
- Some argue it’s “a mistake” to skip kids if you’re mentally and physically healthy; others strongly reject universal prescriptions and stress individual fit and circumstances.
- Multiple comments note a taboo around openly regretting having kids, especially for mothers; some report parents privately admitting they would choose differently or miss their pre-child freedom.
- Others say they have no regrets and don’t care about hypothetical future regret, or that most real regret concerns obviously bad decisions, not complex life choices like family.
Existential Meaning and “Purpose”
- One view: children reliably provide structure, mission, and existential relief; they narrow choices and reduce anxiety about meaning.
- Counterview: this is just a powerful “distraction” or “easy button” for meaning, comparable to other absorbing projects or even addictions.
- Some see having kids as a form of immortality or gene survival; others find that explanation too reductionist or morally thin.
- Several argue that meaning must be self-created and can equally come from work, art, relationships, or intellectual pursuits.
Ethics of Procreation
- Antinatalist-leaning voices question the morality of creating beings who never consented and may suffer, especially if done to resolve one’s own boredom or angst.
- Others argue humanity and its values are worth continuing, and that caring about gene survival or civilization is itself a meaningful stance.
Practical Burdens, Society, and Capitalism
- Strong sense that modern capitalism makes parenting especially draining; lack of extended-family support is contrasted with more communal historical arrangements.
- Some non-parents feel parents already get social and financial advantages and should not ask for more.
- Disagreement over whether parenting accelerates “wisdom” compared to alternative life experiences; some see parents as broadened, others as narrowed or exhausted.
Risk, Safety, and Parenting Norms
- Side debate on infant sleep, SIDS, and co-sleeping: tension between traditional practices, modern epidemiology, and individual risk tolerance.
- Some stress evidence-based caution; others emphasize that overblown fears can make early parenthood unnecessarily stressful.
Climate and Future Outlook
- A subset is hesitant about having children due to climate change and systemic instability; others respond that humanity has always persisted through crises and that values, not cosmic scale, determine importance.