Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

Hacker News Discussion ↗

Possible Mental Health Explanations

  • Many respondents say the OP’s description (“every day feels like prison,” exhaustion, anhedonia) strongly matches depression, even if they don’t feel “sad.”
  • Others suggest burnout, mid‑life crisis, ADHD, hormonal changes (e.g., low testosterone), or some mix.
  • Several urge seeing a doctor / therapist for evaluation rather than self‑diagnosing; a few explicitly note anhedonia as a classic depression symptom.
  • Some push back on over‑pathologizing, framing this as a common life stage or existential malaise.

Purpose, Meaning, and Expectations

  • Recurrent theme: lack of purpose, not lack of comfort. OP is “ticking middle‑class boxes” but feels empty.
  • Commenters argue that fulfillment comes from purpose and responsibility, not chasing abstract “happiness” or hedonism.
  • Suggestions include reframing the job as a means to meaningful goals, re‑examining “shoulds” (career prestige, consumer lifestyle), and lowering unrealistic expectations of a magical escape.

Family / Marriage / Children Debate

  • One large subthread claims starting a family often provides deep purpose and makes drudgery more tolerable.
  • Strong counter‑arguments:
    • Reckless to suggest children as a cure for depression/burnout.
    • Kids require emotional capacity and can suffer if parents are unready or using them for “meaning.”
    • Some share negative experiences as “purpose children” or products of “child will save us” thinking.
  • Consensus in that subthread: having children can be transformative for some, disastrous for others; not a universal remedy.

Career, Business, and Autonomy

  • Several say OP may be overextended (9–5 + side business) and should consider picking one.
  • Others stress that running a business often means more people interaction, not less.
  • OP clarifies: goal is a small, autonomy‑oriented “lifestyle business” to escape 9–5 structure, meetings, and corporate rituals.

Therapy, Medication, and Skepticism

  • Many recommend therapy and/or medication for possible depression.
  • OP reports multiple unhelpful therapists and distrust of psychiatric medication, viewing depression primarily as “chemical imbalance” but refusing drugs.
  • Some note therapy can also teach tools (gratitude, reframing, coping), not just diagnose.

Other Proposed Paths

  • Ideas: spirituality/faith, volunteering, deeper relationships, outdoor time and nature, travel, radical challenges (e.g., long hikes), new communities, and hobbies or learning.
  • A few emphasize that only the OP can ultimately define meaningful goals; advice is inherently limited.