Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out
Americans appear to be spending significantly less time socializing in person than in previous decades, a trend linked in the thread to smartphone addiction, the loss of “third places” such as affordable cafés and pubs, remote work, and lingering effects of the pandemic. Some contributors cite research showing large declines in face‑to‑face time, while others question social‑science data or note that in many cities restaurants and bars still feel busy, suggesting uneven impacts across demographics and regions. Many responses focus on what to do about it: setting boundaries around phone use, cultivating nearby friends and regular meetups, reviving hobbies like board games or sports as social anchors, and debating whether online and VR interactions can meaningfully substitute for time together in person.
Smartphones, Social Media, and “Being Present”
- Many commenters blame smartphones for making in‑person hangouts dull: people drift into scrolling instead of engaging.
- Hosts describe abandoning movie nights and gatherings because guests quickly “zone out” on phones.
- Suggested fixes: collect phones at the door, “stack the phones” games (first to grab pays), explicit no‑phone or “theme” parties, or directly calling out friends and setting boundaries.
- Others say their friend groups barely use phones when together and argue this is a people‑selection / boundary problem, not an inevitability.
Third Places, Costs, and Urban Design
- Several argue loss of “third places” (cheap, accessible social spaces) is at least as important as phones.
- In the U.S., many third places require spending money, are car‑dependent, or feel unsafe; malls and casual hangouts have declined.
- Rising restaurant prices and “enshittified” chains reduce the appeal of going out; potlucks and home entertaining also feel one‑sided or effortful.
Data, Trends, and Skepticism
- The linked article cites survey data showing large drops in face‑to‑face socializing since ~2010, especially for teens.
- Some commenters find this matches their experience and tie it to heavy social‑media use and teen mental‑health declines.
- Others distrust social‑science stats and journalism, arguing numbers can be spun, pandemic years distort trends, and online socializing may have replaced some in‑person time.
Pandemic, Remote Work, and Habits
- COVID normalized staying home and weakened social circles; many never fully rebuilt pre‑2020 routines.
- Remote work reduced incidental coworker contact; some find WFH isolating and miss office social life, others say remote is great if you have strong non‑work friendships.
- Attempts to fix isolation include coworking spaces or planned coffee‑shop work sessions, with mixed results.
Regional and Cultural Contrasts
- Several note the phenomenon is strongest in the U.S. and some Anglophone countries; reports from parts of Europe describe more robust hanging out, aided by walkability, cheaper cafés, stronger welfare, and tighter family ties.
- Within the U.S., some cities (e.g., Portland) are described as still socially vibrant.
Coping Strategies and Alternatives
- Commenters describe intentionally building social life via board games, tabletop RPGs, sports leagues, climbing gyms, neighborhood bars, and living close to friends.
- There’s debate over virtual spaces (games, VRChat) as substitutes: some see them as meaningful connection, others as inherently inferior to physical presence.
Solitude, Norms, and Expression
- One thread asks why we don’t promote contentment in solitude; responses emphasize humans as fundamentally social, though interests have become more niche.
- Some argue fear of saying the “wrong thing” and politicized speech norms make public socializing feel like a second workplace, further discouraging hanging out.