Ask HN: 19yr old child suffering from internet gaming disorder? Any suggestions?

Hacker News Discussion ↗

Parents worried that a 19-year-old in a top-tier EECS program is spending nearly all waking hours on Roblox weigh whether this reflects a serious gaming addiction, deeper mental health issues, or simply a coping phase. Commenters split between urging intervention—up to cutting financial support, changing living conditions, or seeking professional help—and advising a lighter, more trusting approach focused on unconditional support, listening, and allowing consequences. Many stress that excessive gaming is often an avoidance mechanism for stress, pressure, or misalignment with studies, and that long-term outcomes can still be positive even after periods of heavy gaming.

Overall seriousness of the situation

  • Many see “every waking moment gaming” and flipped sleep schedule as consistent with addiction or at least problematic compulsive behavior.
  • Others argue that a 3.0 GPA in a top EECS program plus an internship suggests the situation is not catastrophic, especially in a high-stress major.
  • Several note that gaming time alone is a poor predictor of long‑term success; some heavy gamers did fine, others failed out or lost major opportunities.

Possible underlying causes

  • Repeated theme: compulsive gaming is often an avoidance/coping mechanism for:
    • Stress, anxiety, depression, burnout from years of academic pressure.
    • “Tiger” or overprotective/helicopter parenting and lack of practice “adulting.”
    • Mismatch between major (e.g., CS/EE) and actual interests.
    • Executive dysfunction/ADHD or other neurodivergence; some describe being fully capable but “unable to make the brain do it.”
  • Some suggest economic pessimism and lack of meaningful prospects can fuel “why bother?” disengagement.

Views on parenting and boundaries

  • One camp: 19 is an adult; back off, focus on unconditional love and trust, let natural consequences (bad semester, failing a class) teach lessons.
  • Another camp: parents still fund housing/tuition, so firm boundaries are appropriate:
    • Pull or condition financial support, require work, or have them pay some bills.
    • In extreme views: cut internet, evict, or force “detox” via environment change (home, wilderness programs, boot camps).
  • Strong disagreement over conditional support: some say it’s necessary “tough love”; others say it permanently damages relationships.

Suggested interventions

  • Focus discussions on life goals, school performance, and feelings rather than attacking the game itself.
  • Show genuine interest in the game, ask what they get from it (social, leadership, creativity), and listen without judgment.
  • Encourage or help arrange therapy/psychiatric evaluation (esp. for depression, anxiety, ADHD).
  • Consider books/videos aimed at “healthy gaming” and parent–gamer relationships.
  • Some propose technical controls (Pi‑hole, router blocks, managed devices), framed either as leverage or as a way to redirect obsession into constructive tech skills; others see this as adversarial.

Meta‑themes

  • Many emphasize: relationship, empathy, and communication matter more than controlling behavior.
  • Several caution that the “problem” may be more about parental expectations and control than about Roblox itself.