Ask HN: 19yr old child suffering from internet gaming disorder? Any suggestions?

Hacker News Discussion ↗

Overall seriousness of the situation

  • Many see “every waking moment gaming” and flipped sleep schedule as consistent with addiction or at least problematic compulsive behavior.
  • Others argue that a 3.0 GPA in a top EECS program plus an internship suggests the situation is not catastrophic, especially in a high-stress major.
  • Several note that gaming time alone is a poor predictor of long‑term success; some heavy gamers did fine, others failed out or lost major opportunities.

Possible underlying causes

  • Repeated theme: compulsive gaming is often an avoidance/coping mechanism for:
    • Stress, anxiety, depression, burnout from years of academic pressure.
    • “Tiger” or overprotective/helicopter parenting and lack of practice “adulting.”
    • Mismatch between major (e.g., CS/EE) and actual interests.
    • Executive dysfunction/ADHD or other neurodivergence; some describe being fully capable but “unable to make the brain do it.”
  • Some suggest economic pessimism and lack of meaningful prospects can fuel “why bother?” disengagement.

Views on parenting and boundaries

  • One camp: 19 is an adult; back off, focus on unconditional love and trust, let natural consequences (bad semester, failing a class) teach lessons.
  • Another camp: parents still fund housing/tuition, so firm boundaries are appropriate:
    • Pull or condition financial support, require work, or have them pay some bills.
    • In extreme views: cut internet, evict, or force “detox” via environment change (home, wilderness programs, boot camps).
  • Strong disagreement over conditional support: some say it’s necessary “tough love”; others say it permanently damages relationships.

Suggested interventions

  • Focus discussions on life goals, school performance, and feelings rather than attacking the game itself.
  • Show genuine interest in the game, ask what they get from it (social, leadership, creativity), and listen without judgment.
  • Encourage or help arrange therapy/psychiatric evaluation (esp. for depression, anxiety, ADHD).
  • Consider books/videos aimed at “healthy gaming” and parent–gamer relationships.
  • Some propose technical controls (Pi‑hole, router blocks, managed devices), framed either as leverage or as a way to redirect obsession into constructive tech skills; others see this as adversarial.

Meta‑themes

  • Many emphasize: relationship, empathy, and communication matter more than controlling behavior.
  • Several caution that the “problem” may be more about parental expectations and control than about Roblox itself.