The Mating Psychology of Incels – The Journal of Sex Research
A new psychology paper on “incels” — self-identified involuntarily celibate men, often tied to misogynistic online subcultures — finds they significantly overestimate how much women value looks and money while underestimating traits like kindness, intelligence, and humor. Commenters debate whether inceldom is primarily a mental-health or social problem, the role of dating apps and changing norms in amplifying loneliness, and how to balance criticism of misogyny with empathy for men who feel rejected and lack healthy feedback or support.
Study findings & immediate reactions
- Many commenters highlight the paper’s core result: incels and other single men overestimate how much women value looks and money, and underestimate traits like kindness, intelligence, and humor.
- Some argue this matches everyday experience; others question whether surveys capture real behavior, especially on dating apps.
Historical and social context
- Debate over whether “somewhat-attractive, middlingly-wealthy” men historically had easier access to partners.
- Some argue small-town, hard‑working shopkeepers did fine; others say selection pressure was historically higher and the “contract” was always partly imagined.
- Literature (e.g., Austen) is cited both to support and to dispute the idea that moderate status reliably led to marriage.
- Urbanization, shallow metropolitan interactions, and cultural shifts since mid-20th century are seen as changing mating dynamics.
Personality, mental health, and responsibility
- One view: incels skew low on extraversion, agreeableness, and conscientiousness, high on neuroticism; such traits would have been costly in ancestral environments.
- Others say many are “normal” people lacking healthy feedback and socialization, making this as much a social as a mental‑health issue.
- Several stress personal agency: bad hand or trauma may explain but does not excuse misogyny; change still requires self-reflection.
Misogyny, empathy, and moral judgments
- Strong disagreement over how much sympathy incels deserve.
- Some see them as a self-defined misogynistic hate subculture and reject “fellowship.”
- Others emphasize trauma, rejection, and school experiences as precursors to hatred, and argue that unrelenting hostility only deepens the problem.
- Tension between condemning misogyny and addressing root causes is repeatedly noted.
Dating apps, environment, and “market” effects
- Several see swipe-based apps as amplifying looks-based filtering and creating or worsening incel dynamics.
- Others argue real‑world observation (ordinary men with partners) disproves extreme “only top X% of men get women” narratives.
- Environment (poverty, poor role models, toxic cultures) is cited as shaping distorted beliefs about work, status, and relationships.
Dating as skill & “maxxing”
- Multiple anecdotes frame dating as a trainable skill: high rejection tolerance, iterative improvement, and “volume × conversion” thinking.
- Within incel spaces, a split is reported between those who try to self‑improve (“maxxing”) and more fatalistic “blackpill” groups.
Definitions, discourse, and research gaps
- Ongoing confusion between “involuntarily celibate” as a descriptive state and “incel” as an online misogynistic subculture.
- Some deny “involuntary celibacy” as meaningful, arguing anyone could find a partner by lowering standards; others call that unrealistic.
- Commenters note limited rigorous research on relationship/dating disorders and recommend therapy for those who identify with incel patterns.