Losing my son
A widely read personal essay on “losing” a young son to catastrophic brain injury – while he remains biologically alive and in home hospice – has prompted intense reflections on grief, caregiving, faith, and the ethics of euthanasia. Commenters describe similarly unimaginable losses, long-term disability in children and parents, and the way grief changes but never disappears, sharing metaphors and resources that helped them endure. Many say the piece reframed their sense of what truly matters, reminding them of the fragility of ordinary family life and the importance of presence, support, and mental health care for both parents and siblings.
Overall emotional response
- Many readers describe the piece as almost unbearable to read, “gut‑wrenching,” and “unfathomable,” especially those with young children.
- A large number explicitly say they had to stop reading or could barely finish.
- Commenters repeatedly express sympathy, love, prayers, and a sense that there are “no words” adequate to the situation.
Shared experiences of loss and caregiving
- Numerous parents of disabled or severely ill children, and people who lost children, siblings, spouses, or parents, share parallel stories: stillbirth, sudden illness, car accidents, coma, cancer, dementia, ALS, brain injury, and long-term vegetative states.
- Several note that grief in such cases never really lessens; instead, life “grows around it.” Others use metaphors: grief as a ball inside a larger life, a world that has lost a color, or waves/shipwreck that keep returning.
- Caregivers of long‑term disabled family members echo the idea that it’s “not hard” in the sense of choice: it’s simply what must be done. The difficulty spikes when imagining alternatives.
Reflections on grief, love, and meaning
- Many resonate with the idea that grief is “love with no place to go,” and that the price of deep love is deep grief.
- People discuss how grief cycles, never stays put, and can feel new again years later.
- Commenters say the essay sharpened their awareness of how precious ordinary days with loved ones are.
Ethics, euthanasia, and “worse than death”
- Some argue that being biologically alive but without higher function can feel “worse than death” for families; others caution against outsiders judging such choices.
- There is discussion on euthanasia, DNRs, “ordinary vs extraordinary care,” and whether hastening death can ever be ethical. Views diverge sharply, with both deontological and consequentialist framings raised.
- One strong theme: respect for differing decisions in extreme edge cases, and frustration with glib outside criticism.
Faith, philosophy, and worldview
- Several draw on Christian tradition (scripture, theodicy, “God also lost a son,” suffering with vs without God).
- Others reference Buddhist perspectives on suffering and the possibility of spiritual “bliss” or liberation.
- Some express inability to reconcile a benevolent deity with such suffering; others say faith is their only way through.
Mental health and practical coping
- Multiple commenters emphasize therapy (CBT, DBT, IFS), trauma literature, and in some cases supervised psychedelic or MDMA‑assisted therapy as helpful for PTSD and grief.
- Advice recurs: get support, especially for siblings; use counseling early and long‑term; practice self‑care as a caregiver; allow crying; avoid escapism through addiction.
Impact on parenting and life perspective
- Many say they will hug their children harder, rethink medical risks, and worry more about their kids’ fragility—but also feel more gratitude for the present.
- Several note that, compared to this story, their own daily stresses feel trivial and re‑contextualized.