Incels need more mental health help, have "fundamental thinking errors"
Researchers cited by the BBC argue that self-identified “incels” misjudge what women value in partners, overrating looks and money while underrating traits like kindness, but commenters question whether these are true “thinking errors” or reflections of a skewed dating market dominated by apps and self-presentation. Many see incel communities as rooted more in depression, social anxiety and repeated rejection than in organized extremism, and worry that pathologizing them obscures broader problems in male mental health and shifting sexual norms. Others challenge survey-based claims about preferences, pointing to gaps between what people say they want and whom they actually choose, and debate how much modern dating systems amplify inequality and resentment on both sides.
Meaning of “thinking errors”
- Several commenters dislike the term as sensational or “Orwellian”; others suggest it may just be British phrasing or a CBT-style reference to cognitive distortions.
- Some argue “misconceptions” is too weak; the point is that incels may be systematically misconstruing how the social and dating world works, not just getting a few facts wrong.
Study design, self-reporting, and baselines
- Multiple commenters question reliance on self-reported mate preferences from both men and women, noting large gaps between stated preferences and actual behavior in dating data.
- One commenter links the underlying paper, noting both incels and non‑incels misestimate women’s preferences, with incels somewhat further from the baseline.
- Others worry the article focuses on incel “confirmation bias” while ignoring biases in the comparison groups.
Mate preferences: looks, money, kindness
- Debate over whether women actually prioritize kindness over physical attractiveness and income.
- Some point to dating-app behavior and old matching‑service data where women heavily weighted height and income, and say self‑reports understate this.
- Others argue apps overweight looks because that’s the strongest available signal and say kindness, reliability, and loyalty matter more in offline, long‑term contexts.
- One reading of the cited abstract suggests women’s minimum standards may be higher than incels believe, which some see as supporting incel pessimism; others frame it as men underestimating reasonable standards.
Incels: ideology vs mental health
- Some frame incels as participants in a loosely extremist ideology that reinforces grievance, calling for “deprogramming” and reintegration.
- Others reject labeling incels as extremists, describing them mainly as depressed, socially anxious young men with too much unsupervised internet exposure.
- Violence linked to self‑identified incels is discussed; some argue “incelism” is a causal factor, others note perpetrators usually have broader psychological issues and that incel identity is often secondary.
Dating apps, sexual norms, and inequality
- Several posts argue dating apps and loosened sexual norms amplify inequality in the “sexual marketplace,” concentrating female attention on a small set of top men.
- Others counter that while competition is real, the idea that ~80% of men are effectively excluded is exaggerated; most people eventually “settle” and form relationships offline.
- Some see incels as a visible tail-end symptom of broader pairing and demographic problems; others emphasize individual responsibility, skill-building, and resilience over structural explanations.
Gender differences and relationship narratives
- Long subthread claims women are more practical and conditional in partner choice (e.g., income, reliability), while men are more romantically unconditional; others criticize this as catastrophizing and overgeneralizing.
- There is recurring tension between evolutionary-psychology-style explanations, which many find persuasive, and more egalitarian or social-construct accounts, which others defend.
Stigma, shaming, and proposed responses
- Some note that “incel shaming” has replaced older “slut shaming” as a way to police sexual norms.
- Concerns are raised about pathologizing or medicating a social problem, and about blaming victims of loneliness rather than addressing underlying mental health and social-skill deficits.